Friday, November 9, 2012

Life is a Cabaret

So many people want life to be a musical. The cheery songs, the pretty people, the uplifting plot lines. But let's be real and hear me out on this one: Life already is a musical without the singing (except in the shower).  Let's recap what happens in your standard musical:

1. Something goes HORRIBLY wrong:
     Ok so this one doesn't exactly sound too appealing but what is life without some kind of hardship right? Elphaba got roomed with the most ANNOYING girl ever. Rodger got HIV. Christine met a weird loner singer dude. But what is the silver lining in all of this?

2. That tragic event leads to personal growth:
     Life is all about learning and growing and adapting and for some reason in musicals even the most life-crushing event somehow turns out to be positive. Elphaba and Glinda became the bestest of friends and Elphaba turned into a firece-ass swagga girl. Rodger learned to appreciate life and found a hooker with a heart of gold. Christine got a set of pipes on her that makes Xtina sound like Ke$ha sans auto-tune.

3. The personal growth takes a strange and dark turn:
     Just as you think this new personal growth is going to make your life a thousand times better everything comes crashing down (usually conveniently right before the intermission). Elphaba and Glinda meet the wizard who 'aint quite what they thought and Elphaba decided to take him DOWN. Rodger and Mimi part ways when Mimi goes insane. Christina finds out that this new "friend" is actually a creeper stalker sex offender with a fetish for candles and acid-based facials.

4. In the end everything figures itself out through some form of self-realization:
     Before the final curtain falls the main character always overcomes any kind of personal issues by, pardon my french, figuring their shit out. Elphaba decides that she don't care what other people think as long as she does what she knows is right. Rodger and Mimi come back together because they realize life is short and you should spend it with people they love. Christine decides that Phanty is totally cray and that Raul is way hotter and so leaves his ass.

How does this not sound like every single day of my life? Crazy stuff happens, you think you figured it out, it gets way worse and then, even if you haven't really figured it all out you don't really care because you realize that you're totally amazing no matter what happens.

Life is a cabaret ol' chum.

It's just that last step we all need to figure out.

Goodbye loves.

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