Dead Puppies

So I am watching TV, kicking back with a beverage and enjoying one of my favorite shows, Tosh.0, when all of a sudden, directly following a killer joke that had me coughing up my drink, came on one of the saddest commercials ever. Anyone who has ever watched television knows exactly what I am talking about: The Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA commercials. Those sad homeless dogs practically crying through the screen while Sarah sings in her soft yet powerful voice gets me right in my soul every time. Can there ever be a sadder commercial? Let me help you out. The answer is hell no.

Let me be real right now. Those commercials are damn good because they are so effective. No one is going to watch that shit without wanting to immediately go out and rescue a dog. However, there is this little thing called “Target Audience” that the people at the ASPCA need to figure out. No one who is sitting around at 4:40 on a Friday afternoon watching Comedy Central is going to want to be disturbed by that heart crushing commercial. Play it during something more along the lines of Fox News or American Idol. Something that is typically watched by families or people who are going to go out and get a dog because they saw the commercial. I mean, seriously.

If I were them, I would not play it then. If they actually want to play a commercial during these times and not piss people off, simply make a new commercial. Something with upbeat, happy dogs frolicking in a meadow being happy and playful much like the people who watch Tosh.0. Happy and playful. Maybe I should get a job at the ASPCA in their market department. I would totally rock that shit hardcore.

Question of the day: What is your least favorite commercial? What would you do to make it better? I’ll give it a looksee and give you my opinion on it.

Ok and back to Comedy Central as I wait for my bestie to show up. So excited for the weekend!

Peace out shitfaces.

The Diaries of an Insomniac

Ahh insomnia. The condition that turns upstanding citizens into full fledged zombies. I sit here in my living room contemplating why it is that I am awake at 4 a.m. and I realize that there is extremely little I can do to change my ways of living. I just spent the last hour or so lying in bed listening to my roommate snore and attempting to fall asleep with obviously no luck. I just continued to lie there, tossing and turning under my huge blanket my amazing mom made for me that I now use as my college comforter. I want so fucking desperately to sleep.

There are obviously different schools of thought when it comes to why people suffer from insomnia. The one that I get most of the time is that there is simply too much going on in my head to allow my body to relax and fall into a state of sleep. Now this may actually be true. My love life changes daily, I haven't seen my family in forever and the fact that I don't have a car anymore means that I am fucking trapped on this hill like a slave stuck in a wooden dungeon. My world, which was once expansive has been shrunk to the size of a football field, unable to go anywhere outside of roughly a mile radius from my apartment.

So then, what does this bitch need to do to remedy my ailment? The obvious answer would be to reclaim my independence and mobility by regaining access to my car. Unfortunately that is simply impossible. One does not simple go against someone to whom they are indebted $1,000 because of a handful of unpaid and extremely expired parking tickets. I would need to fully repay my mom as quickly as possible in order to return my car to my possession. However, let's be real, where the hell am I going to come up with a THOUSAND dollars when I have a total of $12 to last me until May 5th? It simply is not going to happen.

So this brings us to the question of the day: What ailment do you suffer from that you wish you could find an easy fix to? What is stopping you from fixing it? Is there someone in your life who could help you but you fear reaching out and asking for that help? Comment below with your answer and I may feature you in an upcoming entry.

I love you all for taking your time to read this. Even the ten or so page views I am getting a day so far really brighten up my life. Please subscribe to my blog to get daily entries.

Peace out shitfaces.

The Day of Total Nothingness

There are just those days where there is literally nothing you can do but sit on your couch and die. I definitely just had one of those days. And you know what. I am not ashamed. After staying awake until roughly 8 am with my housemate watching movies and drinking wine I needed a day to do nothing but think about the fact that all I want to do is nothing.

So what does one do with a day where one is doing nothing. Lemme tell you. I sat on my fat ass, ate three hot pockets, and watched movie after movie all ending with a "Friends" marathon on Nick@Nite. Best fucking day ever.

I would definitely write more but, to be perfectly honest, I am seriously so exhausted today. Question of the day: What is your perfect day? If you could literally do anything for one day what would it be? Get creative fuckers. I am interested to see what your twisted minds come up with.

Peace out shitfaces.