I Am Fucking Pissed Off, Part One

Warning: While I fully encourage you to keep reading please do so with caution. Some of you may be outright angry when you reach the end of it. It won’t be pretty and it won’t be nice. Sorry but here we go.

The world is an ever changing place. I think we can all agree on that. It was not until 1967 that a man and a woman of different ethnic backgrounds could marry.  It was not until 1985 until it became legal for a man and a woman to get divorced for any reason other than abandonment, cruelty, incurable mental illness, or adultery. These are two things which, now, seem to be obvious. To not allow these things seems cruel and, at least in the case of the former, blatantly racist. However, consider the fact that around that time being blatantly racist was not considered a bad thing.

So where am I going with this? Think about the people in your life who you may consider to be blatantly homophobic. Are there any who would not consider themselves to be homophobic but simply stated they are? I see no difference between that than the individuals during the 1960’s who were fighting for segregation. Now you know where I am going with this. To fight against the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples is homophobic. It is hate. No matter which way you attempt to cover your ass by trying to rationalize it, to not allow civil rights to a group of people based solely off of attributes which they have no control over such as sexual orientation is hate. Pure unadulterated hate.

Now I have been presented with this idea of having civil unions which would entitle same-sex couples to all rights and privileges afforded by a marriage. This is complete and utter bullshit. For those who know me (and most of you do) then you know what one day I want to have kids. I do not want to bring children into this world though if I cannot be married to my partner. I do not want to live in fear of the day when my son or daughter comes home from school one day and asks, “Daddy, why aren’t you and Daddy married?” I do not want to have to look this sweet child in the eyes and explain to them that there are people in this world who feel that my love is not right and therefore should not be allowed to enjoy the privilege of marriage.

So now I ask you to look at yourself. Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine you are a gay man. Or the child of gay parents. Or even the parent of a gay child. What would be fair rights to you? What would be equal? A reworked civil union? Or nothing short of full marriage equality?

Please think about this. Chances are there will be a Part Two later today.

Peace out shitfaces.

An Introspection on Why I Give a Fuck

Ok ok, I know. It has been a really long time since I have gone on here and posted a new entry. However, if you knew what was going on in my life you would be surprised that I am posting anything even now. It has been a very long time since I needed to deal with so many different things at once and I am way out of practice. I used to be able to take a scenario, process it, and find the best possible way to deal with it with relative ease. Now once I find myself dealing with even two issues my brain goes on overload and I start to go a little crazy.

So you may be wondering where I am going with this and you would be right to wonder that. So with all of these things on my mind I am forced to think simply, “What is it about me that puts me in these situations where I need to think this much?” Do I draw drama into me? Do I go out and seek to create it in order to entertain myself? Or do people simply find me so amusing and entertaining that they are drawn to be and with this surplus of people around me I have no choice but to be drawn into all of this?

Of those, I obviously like the last option the most. I mean, who wouldn’t? So going off of this concept that people are drawn to me and therefore they drag the drama with them then why does this not happen to everyone? Everyone has friends but for some reason I am the only one who finds himself in these situations. Upon further review I realize it has to do entirely with the fact that I simply give too much of a shit. If I could surround myself with people and not care about them so much then I wouldn’t have these problems.

So where go from here? I wish I could say that from now on I will live my life with an IDGAF attitude but I simply can’t. I apologize if it seemed like this was useless because I didn’t really change at the end of it but it was really to address those who know me who think I am just super dramatic and do it for fun. I don’t do it for fun. Being wrapped up in this drama isn’t fun. I just care about people. Sorry.

Question of the day: Do you like drama? Do you find yourself involved in a lot of drama?

Back to my least favorite class.

Peace out shitfaces.

Dead Puppies

So I am watching TV, kicking back with a beverage and enjoying one of my favorite shows, Tosh.0, when all of a sudden, directly following a killer joke that had me coughing up my drink, came on one of the saddest commercials ever. Anyone who has ever watched television knows exactly what I am talking about: The Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA commercials. Those sad homeless dogs practically crying through the screen while Sarah sings in her soft yet powerful voice gets me right in my soul every time. Can there ever be a sadder commercial? Let me help you out. The answer is hell no.

Let me be real right now. Those commercials are damn good because they are so effective. No one is going to watch that shit without wanting to immediately go out and rescue a dog. However, there is this little thing called “Target Audience” that the people at the ASPCA need to figure out. No one who is sitting around at 4:40 on a Friday afternoon watching Comedy Central is going to want to be disturbed by that heart crushing commercial. Play it during something more along the lines of Fox News or American Idol. Something that is typically watched by families or people who are going to go out and get a dog because they saw the commercial. I mean, seriously.

If I were them, I would not play it then. If they actually want to play a commercial during these times and not piss people off, simply make a new commercial. Something with upbeat, happy dogs frolicking in a meadow being happy and playful much like the people who watch Tosh.0. Happy and playful. Maybe I should get a job at the ASPCA in their market department. I would totally rock that shit hardcore.

Question of the day: What is your least favorite commercial? What would you do to make it better? I’ll give it a looksee and give you my opinion on it.

Ok and back to Comedy Central as I wait for my bestie to show up. So excited for the weekend!

Peace out shitfaces.

One Big Room, Full of Dumb Bitches

I would like to take this opportunity to address an issue that seems to be plaguing my life as of late: Stupid people. Ok, let me be more specific before you all thing I am some insensitive prick. The people who are continually bothering me seemingly every single day are the ones who are completely insensitive to other peoples’ wants, needs, and lives so long as their own agendas are pushed in the faces of those trying to get shit done. What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

So say you are in a group of people all working towards a common goal. It is in the benefit of all of those involved that this project is completed to the highest standard possible, agreed? So when one person tries to unify the seemingly shattered group it can be looked upon as a good thing especially when that individual is going out of their way to put other things to the wayside in order to ensure the highest quality result on the project. Now throw into this mix a couple of people who, although they are nice and well-meaning people, decide to throw wrench after wrench into the plan despite a general consensus on what the path the project should take will be.

Now, for those of you who may be reading this and thinking, “God Bettencourt, you are such a passive aggressive asshole. Why would you write this here instead of talking to the group about it?” chances are this post has nothing to do with you. This is an experience that I (and anyone who has ever done a group project) has encountered. I feel like we can all get behind this and say that it is as annoying as fucknuts. When the deadline for a project is rapidly approaching and a good chunk of your reputation relies on its successful completion, in what world does it seem responsible or even right to derail the thing entirely?

So here’s the question of the day: What is your worst group project horror story? Does it have to do with school, or a club, or even with friends (take for example: You were all planning on getting together at a certain time and place and one friend changed it last minute and not everyone got the memo so the day had to be scrapped)?  I’m curious. Let me know.

Now I am off to a well needed lunch with one of my favorite people ever.

Peace out shitfaces.

How Real is Reality?

So let’s all just be real with each other for a hot second and agree that the world is a very strange place. I often find myself sitting in my living room watching my Bravo shows and I think to myself, “Come on, I could totally get a show on this channel.” Bravo already does an amazing job taking problem that I am sure are really actually quite small in real life and blowing them entirely out of proportion into being giant life altering issues that could end the world. I mean, how hard could it be? You are just sitting around with your friends talking to each other and it for some reason makes great television.

The biggest issue with having my own show as I see it would be that the average person does not have enough drama in their life to fill a television show. However, for those of you reading this that are really close to me, you all know that I could totally do that. Just rewind over the past year alone and think about all of the things that could really be taken by a crew and made into practically Season Finale episodes. Spring quarter and summer last year was nothing short of a shit show. I would totally watch that on TV. And probably feel sorry for the poor chap.

So I took this concept (me having a Bravo show) and started looking around at how I live my life. Short of me sitting and doing homework or writing I spend most of my time with someone talking about drama or making terrible jokes. If you look at the shows, that’s really all they are. All that these people do is sit around, drink, and talk shit. I could TOTALLY be paid to do that. I would fucking love to be paid millions of dollars to have people trail me with cameras and be shocked at the stupid shit I find myself having to do. Life sucks brah.

So here’s my question: Would you be down to have some strangers with cameras following you around and documenting your life? If so, what would the theme of your show be? (Mine would be Real Housewives style.)

Now back to watching Million Dollar Listing. That shit cray.

Peace out shitfaces.

A Tank of Gay Sharks

Dating can be a tricky subject for anyone. Now take that anyone and have them swim the waters of college looking for that special someone. Now on top of all that give them a possible 5% of the population who might be physically attracted to them based off of gender.  Just when you thought that navigating the waters of dating could not get any more challenging, think again. If you were convinced straight kids had it rough, think again.

Let’s break this shit down. The biggest complaint when it comes to dating is that finding someone to date is difficult. However, let’s take a little looksee at this one. Take a gay male bodied individual for example, we’ll call him Bettencourt. Bettencourt is a gay man who’s demographic for dating consists of other gay men. Now let’s be extremely generalizing and say that the population of the Earth is split evenly fifty/fifty between men and women. So Bettencourt, in theory, could only be attracted to fifty percent of the population. Now, out of one hundred it is theorized that ten percent would be gay. This means that five percent of the world’s population are gay male bodied individuals. Therefore, in theory, in a room filled with one hundred people a straight man would theoretically have forty-five people to date whereas Bettencourt would only have four (seeing as he would be one of the five in the room).

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not just bitching for bitchings sake. Over the past couple of months I think I have been in talks with at least ten different guys to prospectively date. I know what you might be thinking, “Well B doesn’t this go against your theory seeing how you seem to be having no problem finding gays?” Well there you would be wrong. It is true that I have been able to find gays around me, thanks to some (let’s call it) futuristic networking, but as you can tell by my thinly veiled bitterness, they were all flops. If I had a larger base of people to approach I would be able to be more selective and only try to get involved with people who I already know I would be compatible with as opposed to throwing myself around hoping something sticks.

And that brings us to the glorious question of the day: What was your worst date ever? Did you ever see the person again? Do you think they would have been good for you if the date had gone better?

And with that I return to my regularly scheduled day.

Peace out shitfaces.

The Diaries of an Insomniac

Ahh insomnia. The condition that turns upstanding citizens into full fledged zombies. I sit here in my living room contemplating why it is that I am awake at 4 a.m. and I realize that there is extremely little I can do to change my ways of living. I just spent the last hour or so lying in bed listening to my roommate snore and attempting to fall asleep with obviously no luck. I just continued to lie there, tossing and turning under my huge blanket my amazing mom made for me that I now use as my college comforter. I want so fucking desperately to sleep.

There are obviously different schools of thought when it comes to why people suffer from insomnia. The one that I get most of the time is that there is simply too much going on in my head to allow my body to relax and fall into a state of sleep. Now this may actually be true. My love life changes daily, I haven't seen my family in forever and the fact that I don't have a car anymore means that I am fucking trapped on this hill like a slave stuck in a wooden dungeon. My world, which was once expansive has been shrunk to the size of a football field, unable to go anywhere outside of roughly a mile radius from my apartment.

So then, what does this bitch need to do to remedy my ailment? The obvious answer would be to reclaim my independence and mobility by regaining access to my car. Unfortunately that is simply impossible. One does not simple go against someone to whom they are indebted $1,000 because of a handful of unpaid and extremely expired parking tickets. I would need to fully repay my mom as quickly as possible in order to return my car to my possession. However, let's be real, where the hell am I going to come up with a THOUSAND dollars when I have a total of $12 to last me until May 5th? It simply is not going to happen.

So this brings us to the question of the day: What ailment do you suffer from that you wish you could find an easy fix to? What is stopping you from fixing it? Is there someone in your life who could help you but you fear reaching out and asking for that help? Comment below with your answer and I may feature you in an upcoming entry.

I love you all for taking your time to read this. Even the ten or so page views I am getting a day so far really brighten up my life. Please subscribe to my blog to get daily entries.

Peace out shitfaces.

Boxed Wine and Baby Mama

Ahhh what a solid day. Woke up at 1:15 and was leaving campus by 1:30 for da beach. Anyone else jealous? There are definitely days where I stop myself and think, "Wow. I fucking live here? Seriously? Life is cray." But let's be real. Who the fuck would not want to live in Santa Cruz? The anti-christ. That's who. Fucking anti-christ...

And just as I thought the day could not get any better. Guess what shitfaces. It did! Had a social with a sorority who will remain un-named where I got FUCKED THE SHIT UP. I know shocking. A frat party where people got fucked up. However comma I don't really care what you think. I played beer pong and even though I lost to a freshman I don't care. That bitch is like my son. I'm proud.

Came home to my apartment where my housemates greeted me like a king. They had gone out and gotten a box of wine and were having a movie marathon. We watched Donnie Darko (for the first time since I was little) and I was so drunk I almost shat my pants. My pants were literally almost full of shat. How awkward.

And now it be time for Baby Mama. I would type more but, well, I'm not exactly sober and some kiddos are still here. So I'm gonna go and be sociable.

Leave a comment with what your favorite flavor of franzia is. Whatever gets the most votes, I will buy an entire box of and drink it in less than two hours. I promise to write very soon after the last glass.

Peace out shitfaces.