Success is a State of Mind

Ok so I will be the first to admit that I have been pretty terrible at posting on this these days. I’m gonna be frank with you all when I say that my life has been crazy these past couple of days. It is entirely true that I had the time to post on my blog. It had nothing to do with a lack of time. What it had to do with was a complete lack of brain energy to go toward it. I post when I can really just sit and type and zen out and I haven’t had a lot of zen lately.

Which brings me into today’s topic: Taking time for your own damn self. Why is it that our society measures an individual’s success on how impressive their successes are? Because a person is born with opportunity and therefore has the capability to achieve great things means they are more successful than maybe a person who works full time, goes to school, and still manages to maintain some semblance of a social life? I don’t think so. I don’t think so at all.

As my life progresses and I find myself entering new and different phases of my experience I find myself confronted time and time again with individuals who, even though they may not considered the most successful people, inspire me everyday. The people whose lives I look at and can say, “Damn, they have really made it. They were able to work hard and support themselves.” And that is success to me. It is not someone who has a big fancy house, lots of cars, 2.5 kids. It is the person who sees their surroundings and decides then and there to do whatever it takes to make a change.

And I salute you.

Question of the day: Who inspires you? Who in your life do you think is successful?

I also have been hearing some great things from some of you and I would love for you to post our comments below. You don’t have to answer the question of the day. Just tell me what you think.

Ok back to figuring out this DAMN website.

Peace out shitfaces.

Gotta Have Soul

So I am going to delve into a touchy subject here that has been weighing on my mind lately. What would we as a species define as being a “soul”? What makes one individual different from another and can someone change who they are in response to their surroundings and experiences? It is simply the combined effects of chemical reactions in our brain triggering different responses or is it something greater? Is it something that ultimately drives our being?

In my personal experience I have come to a varied of conclusions when it comes to this idea of “soul”. One, I do believe that a person’s “soul” is something higher than just chemical reactions taking place to drive our actions. Now, I am not going to get into this and start talking about God or sin or anything like that. I am merely saying that this personality we create to embody our lives is not predetermined. Very simply, it can be changed. It is a product of our environment. Have no fear, in the coming days I will approach the subject of changing gays.

Now, I find myself approached with the idea that the soul can thus change. If we are a product of a set of experiences then, as we grow, do new experiences change who we are much like they did when we were younger? To this I would be forced to say yes. Consider any individual who you have known for a long time (let’s say 3 years+). Now look at who they were when you first met them and the kind of person that they are now. Look at the experiences that that person went through since you met them. Can you find any evidence that their actions following those events were different and there was a direct relation to the experience that happened? I say yes.

However, this occurs over a slow period of time. Usually. Usually one must experience an event, process it, relate it back to xyr’s life and then learn and grow. But sometimes, very rarely, an individual comes across an event which rocks them to their core and changes them. It works to flip a switch, if you will. And a process which would normally follow a slow and laborious timeline takes a leap forward.

This happens to me every couple of years or so. Something occurs in my life that shakes me down to my core and changes my view on everything. Up until recently I had been passive. Wandering through my year with no real sight or purpose. I would take on a project and then not put my all into it, hoping in the end that everything would work out. That has all changed.

Over the past couple of days I took a long hard look at who I was and where I was in my life and I realized I had been trying to bullshit everyone, even myself. I am not lazy. I am not passive. I am not a flake. I am determined. I am level-headed. And I will cut a bitch. These months of me feeling sorry for myself and being childish are over. For those of you who think I am not a fighter are dead wrong. I'm a survivor. I'm goin'na make it. I will survive. Keep on survivin'.

Question of the Day: What has happened that rocked your world? How did it change you? Let me know!

Busy week ahead of me but I can do it.

Peace out shitfaces.

I Am Fucking Pissed Off, Part Two

Ok welcome to part two. Following the post yesterday I took it upon myself to start researching what people think and the arguments that they have against gay marriage so as to better come back with a structured argument. I failed. Not because the points they were making were credible but because everything I found was completely insane. So instead, I decided to take one of the worst examples and show the world exactly what ignorance can do.

Today, on the Huffington Post, a particularly heinous video was posted of a Nebraskan woman, Jane Skrovota, who took it upon herself to give a “scientific” examination on gay culture. What resulted was a five minute hate rant that made no logical sense at all. It is my duty as an online blogger to take this insane video and break it down for you. This will get graphic. Be prepared. Let’s begin.

1. Gays are sadistic: So she has a few things in this one. My all-time favorite has to be that by inserting a p-e-n-i-s into an anus causes the intestines to burst, killing the person who is being penetrated. I mean seriously? In what deranged world does this make any sense? She uses this “fact” to say that gay men enjoying having sex with men so they can watch them die in the process. If this were true, about half of my male friends would be dead. Just sayin’.

2. Gays cause genocide in hospitals: This one is pretty awesome because she doesn’t actually say anything as to why she believes this. Instead, she just goes ahead and says it. I would really like to hear why she thinks this cause honestly it doesn’t even make sense for a crazy person.

3. An individual found dead without clothes was “a gay” who was killed by their partner: Skrovota’s logic behind this one is an attack on our dear Whitney Houston. She says that Houston was found naked and dead in a bathtub and that she was obviously gay. Therefore, the only logical reason for her death was that some deranged lesbian killed her while trying to have sex with her. Anyone can say this is total bullshit so I won’t dwell on this one for too long.

4. “Anus licking causes sepsis”: Ok so Skrovota is saying here that going ass to mouth causes sepsis which, if left untreated, kills a person within thirty minutes. Human Centipede aside, I doubt that anyone was killed by a rimjob. Just didn’t happen. Where did she even get this statistic? She is already starting to piss me off more.

5. Gay men molest boys because they “don’t have AIDS yet”: Ok this is really where her strange ramblings go into full blown insanity. He logic is that gay men, afraid of getting AIDS, rape small children so that they can dodge the bullet. First, just because a man is gay DOES NOT mean that he is going to go around raping children and just because a man is a child molester does not mean that he is gay. This is solid fact. Any person who has read a newspaper in the last couple decades could tell you this. The fact that she is saying this on television makes me sad.

6. College students need single rooms to avoid “going gay”: This one is a gem among gems. Having same sex roommates makes you gay. Right? Wrong. Seeing how my roommate freshman year kicked me out regularly in order to bring his girlfriend back to the room I would say that having a homo as a roommate does not mean that you will join the lifestyle. Seeing how most of my readers are college students I would say that you can agree with me.

7. College women are seduced with roofies to “go gay”: Her example for this one is that Hilary Clinton’s lesbian roommate of four years made her gay by slipping her roofies because otherwise she would find it "abhorrent". One: Hilary Clinton is not gay. I mean, she stayed with Bill even after the Monica Lewinski thing. Two: No one I know has ever slipped anyone roofies to convince them to be gay and I know A LOT of queers. That is just ignorance.

8. AIDS is a candida fungus disease: Her logic here is about the same as a math equation. AIDS can kill people. Corpses grow fungus. Therefore AIDS is caused by a fungus. Under the same logic since doing laundry makes the room warm and hot room can lead to dehydration and dehydration can kill. Therefore, NO ONE DO LAUNDRY. It will kill you.

9. Everyone who committed treason by the year 2000 were gays: Not even going to go there. Go on Wikipedia.

10. “A gay” is a behavior, not an identity: Ahh, the good old being gay is a phase argument. Being gay is not a disease. It is not a condition. It is not a behavior. Being gay is something that is caused by genetics. It is something that cannot be changed. Anyone who believes otherwise needs to seriously be talked to.

11. Gays cause children to become, well, basically crazed: Oh sweet Jesus. This lady found something somewhere which says that all children from San Francisco are failing every single class in school and constantly rape each other because they are constantly surrounded by gay people making out. As someone from da bay who is attending a UC I would beg to differ. Where my bay kids at?

12. Bisexuals always become insane: Do I even need to? I mean really? I know plenty of bisexuals living happy healthy bisexual lives and even though some of them can be annoying, as some people often are, none of them are insane. None.

13. Judas was a homo who sabotaged Jesus’s "kind ideas": This is when her religion really came out in full force. Judas, the man who turned in Jesus, was apparently a giant homo and turned Jesus in just for the hell of it. Was it because he was sadistic? Maybe it was because of the sepsis. Either way whatever version of the bible this woman owns really needs a new translation.

Ok so I would like to start off by saying sorry this one is so long. I just didn’t have a choice in the matter. There was too much here. Bear in mind, this was a five minute video. I hope something here resonated in you. Please do not let this kind of ignorance continue. If you know someone who believes any one of these things, do the world a favor and educate them. Sit them down, listen to what they have to say and then calmly present them the facts. It will do everyone a massive favor.

Question of the day: So the question of the day involves you watching the real video (link below) and then responding to it. What was your favorite part? What made you the angriest? How long did it take before you started only watching the guy behind her? Let me know.

Ok, time to get this thing up and go to class.

Peace out shitfaces.

Link to the video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/11/nebraska-woman-homophobia-rant-video_n_1509580.html?ref=fb&src=sp&mimi=1&comm_ref=false

I Am Fucking Pissed Off, Part One

Warning: While I fully encourage you to keep reading please do so with caution. Some of you may be outright angry when you reach the end of it. It won’t be pretty and it won’t be nice. Sorry but here we go.

The world is an ever changing place. I think we can all agree on that. It was not until 1967 that a man and a woman of different ethnic backgrounds could marry.  It was not until 1985 until it became legal for a man and a woman to get divorced for any reason other than abandonment, cruelty, incurable mental illness, or adultery. These are two things which, now, seem to be obvious. To not allow these things seems cruel and, at least in the case of the former, blatantly racist. However, consider the fact that around that time being blatantly racist was not considered a bad thing.

So where am I going with this? Think about the people in your life who you may consider to be blatantly homophobic. Are there any who would not consider themselves to be homophobic but simply stated they are? I see no difference between that than the individuals during the 1960’s who were fighting for segregation. Now you know where I am going with this. To fight against the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples is homophobic. It is hate. No matter which way you attempt to cover your ass by trying to rationalize it, to not allow civil rights to a group of people based solely off of attributes which they have no control over such as sexual orientation is hate. Pure unadulterated hate.

Now I have been presented with this idea of having civil unions which would entitle same-sex couples to all rights and privileges afforded by a marriage. This is complete and utter bullshit. For those who know me (and most of you do) then you know what one day I want to have kids. I do not want to bring children into this world though if I cannot be married to my partner. I do not want to live in fear of the day when my son or daughter comes home from school one day and asks, “Daddy, why aren’t you and Daddy married?” I do not want to have to look this sweet child in the eyes and explain to them that there are people in this world who feel that my love is not right and therefore should not be allowed to enjoy the privilege of marriage.

So now I ask you to look at yourself. Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine you are a gay man. Or the child of gay parents. Or even the parent of a gay child. What would be fair rights to you? What would be equal? A reworked civil union? Or nothing short of full marriage equality?

Please think about this. Chances are there will be a Part Two later today.

Peace out shitfaces.

I Want to Get Gay Married

So it has been a long time since I have written anything that is critical of political policy so I figure, why not now? In the wake of today’s announcement from President Obama when he FINALLY publicly stated his support for gay marriage I have been barraged with internet shit regarding the situation. Obama decided, in response to Vice President Joe Biden’s comments regarding the subject earlier this week, to go on record that he too agreed that love is love and everyone should have equal rights. I am not the first to admit this is was a long time coming and it certainly came as no huge surprise.

Now here is where my blood begins to boil just a small amount. The actual catalyst (at least in my head) is the passing of North Carolina’s Amendment One which prohibits same-sex couples from receiving a plethora of civil rights. This law, though extremely short in length, effectively removes any and all rights that a same-sex couple could ever have that opposite-sex couples currently enjoy. This is because the law doesn’t just say that gays can’t marry but it says that a marriage between and man and a woman will be the ONLY recognized UNION in the state.

So how does this connect to Obama? Needless to say any rational and moral human being should read this and be totally outraged. Obama himself, after yesterday’s vote, came out to say that he was disappointed in what North Carolina had done (as were the rest of us). His then saying he supported same sex marriage was the final step in him finally admitting that something needs to be done.

I am now going to just put this out there: I want to get married. I want to find a good man who treats me right, get married, buy a house, and eventually start a family to raise into upstanding citizens. Then, when they are older and off to college I want to travel the world with my husband and eventually retire in comfort somewhere in California. When I think that there are people out there who, for whatever reason, want to limit the love that two people can show each other it seems cruel.

Sorry folks, no question of the day today. I would rather everyone sit with what I just said and see how it personally affects you. Please do comment though and show your support. Simply tell me and everyone else reading this how this makes you feel.

Now back to having no hope in the world.

Peace out shitfaces.

An Introspection on Why I Give a Fuck

Ok ok, I know. It has been a really long time since I have gone on here and posted a new entry. However, if you knew what was going on in my life you would be surprised that I am posting anything even now. It has been a very long time since I needed to deal with so many different things at once and I am way out of practice. I used to be able to take a scenario, process it, and find the best possible way to deal with it with relative ease. Now once I find myself dealing with even two issues my brain goes on overload and I start to go a little crazy.

So you may be wondering where I am going with this and you would be right to wonder that. So with all of these things on my mind I am forced to think simply, “What is it about me that puts me in these situations where I need to think this much?” Do I draw drama into me? Do I go out and seek to create it in order to entertain myself? Or do people simply find me so amusing and entertaining that they are drawn to be and with this surplus of people around me I have no choice but to be drawn into all of this?

Of those, I obviously like the last option the most. I mean, who wouldn’t? So going off of this concept that people are drawn to me and therefore they drag the drama with them then why does this not happen to everyone? Everyone has friends but for some reason I am the only one who finds himself in these situations. Upon further review I realize it has to do entirely with the fact that I simply give too much of a shit. If I could surround myself with people and not care about them so much then I wouldn’t have these problems.

So where go from here? I wish I could say that from now on I will live my life with an IDGAF attitude but I simply can’t. I apologize if it seemed like this was useless because I didn’t really change at the end of it but it was really to address those who know me who think I am just super dramatic and do it for fun. I don’t do it for fun. Being wrapped up in this drama isn’t fun. I just care about people. Sorry.

Question of the day: Do you like drama? Do you find yourself involved in a lot of drama?

Back to my least favorite class.

Peace out shitfaces.

Dead Puppies

So I am watching TV, kicking back with a beverage and enjoying one of my favorite shows, Tosh.0, when all of a sudden, directly following a killer joke that had me coughing up my drink, came on one of the saddest commercials ever. Anyone who has ever watched television knows exactly what I am talking about: The Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA commercials. Those sad homeless dogs practically crying through the screen while Sarah sings in her soft yet powerful voice gets me right in my soul every time. Can there ever be a sadder commercial? Let me help you out. The answer is hell no.

Let me be real right now. Those commercials are damn good because they are so effective. No one is going to watch that shit without wanting to immediately go out and rescue a dog. However, there is this little thing called “Target Audience” that the people at the ASPCA need to figure out. No one who is sitting around at 4:40 on a Friday afternoon watching Comedy Central is going to want to be disturbed by that heart crushing commercial. Play it during something more along the lines of Fox News or American Idol. Something that is typically watched by families or people who are going to go out and get a dog because they saw the commercial. I mean, seriously.

If I were them, I would not play it then. If they actually want to play a commercial during these times and not piss people off, simply make a new commercial. Something with upbeat, happy dogs frolicking in a meadow being happy and playful much like the people who watch Tosh.0. Happy and playful. Maybe I should get a job at the ASPCA in their market department. I would totally rock that shit hardcore.

Question of the day: What is your least favorite commercial? What would you do to make it better? I’ll give it a looksee and give you my opinion on it.

Ok and back to Comedy Central as I wait for my bestie to show up. So excited for the weekend!

Peace out shitfaces.

One Big Room, Full of Dumb Bitches

I would like to take this opportunity to address an issue that seems to be plaguing my life as of late: Stupid people. Ok, let me be more specific before you all thing I am some insensitive prick. The people who are continually bothering me seemingly every single day are the ones who are completely insensitive to other peoples’ wants, needs, and lives so long as their own agendas are pushed in the faces of those trying to get shit done. What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

So say you are in a group of people all working towards a common goal. It is in the benefit of all of those involved that this project is completed to the highest standard possible, agreed? So when one person tries to unify the seemingly shattered group it can be looked upon as a good thing especially when that individual is going out of their way to put other things to the wayside in order to ensure the highest quality result on the project. Now throw into this mix a couple of people who, although they are nice and well-meaning people, decide to throw wrench after wrench into the plan despite a general consensus on what the path the project should take will be.

Now, for those of you who may be reading this and thinking, “God Bettencourt, you are such a passive aggressive asshole. Why would you write this here instead of talking to the group about it?” chances are this post has nothing to do with you. This is an experience that I (and anyone who has ever done a group project) has encountered. I feel like we can all get behind this and say that it is as annoying as fucknuts. When the deadline for a project is rapidly approaching and a good chunk of your reputation relies on its successful completion, in what world does it seem responsible or even right to derail the thing entirely?

So here’s the question of the day: What is your worst group project horror story? Does it have to do with school, or a club, or even with friends (take for example: You were all planning on getting together at a certain time and place and one friend changed it last minute and not everyone got the memo so the day had to be scrapped)?  I’m curious. Let me know.

Now I am off to a well needed lunch with one of my favorite people ever.

Peace out shitfaces.

How Real is Reality?

So let’s all just be real with each other for a hot second and agree that the world is a very strange place. I often find myself sitting in my living room watching my Bravo shows and I think to myself, “Come on, I could totally get a show on this channel.” Bravo already does an amazing job taking problem that I am sure are really actually quite small in real life and blowing them entirely out of proportion into being giant life altering issues that could end the world. I mean, how hard could it be? You are just sitting around with your friends talking to each other and it for some reason makes great television.

The biggest issue with having my own show as I see it would be that the average person does not have enough drama in their life to fill a television show. However, for those of you reading this that are really close to me, you all know that I could totally do that. Just rewind over the past year alone and think about all of the things that could really be taken by a crew and made into practically Season Finale episodes. Spring quarter and summer last year was nothing short of a shit show. I would totally watch that on TV. And probably feel sorry for the poor chap.

So I took this concept (me having a Bravo show) and started looking around at how I live my life. Short of me sitting and doing homework or writing I spend most of my time with someone talking about drama or making terrible jokes. If you look at the shows, that’s really all they are. All that these people do is sit around, drink, and talk shit. I could TOTALLY be paid to do that. I would fucking love to be paid millions of dollars to have people trail me with cameras and be shocked at the stupid shit I find myself having to do. Life sucks brah.

So here’s my question: Would you be down to have some strangers with cameras following you around and documenting your life? If so, what would the theme of your show be? (Mine would be Real Housewives style.)

Now back to watching Million Dollar Listing. That shit cray.

Peace out shitfaces.

You Don't Choose Your Family

So I will be the first one to admit that I have dropped the ball on writing lately. I set out out on the blog writing endeavor saying that I would post something about my life every single day for three years. Let's be real though, I have a life. Sorry kiddos. However, considering how completely jam packed my weekend was I am willing to forgive me if you guys are.

So I could easily sit here and do a play by play of what happened but you and me both know that that simply is not my style. What I am going to talk about is this idea of family. For the majority of my childhood and adolescence, I was engrained with the notion that a family consisted exclusively of individuals who are related to you by either blood or marriage and if not then they simply are not your family.

However, for all of you who either have gone through college (like myself) or are still in high school but have found a good group to be close to this idea is simply not fucking true. I have found a second family. These kids are my family. These forty or so members of my frat have become members of my family. For those of you reading this who are in my frat or know of us then you’ll know that when it comes to family dynamic ours may be the most fucked but, to be perfectly honest, you can suck it.

I make fun of them a lot but I really want them to know that I could not live without them. It has been a while since I was able to say this out loud because of some drama going on in my personal life that has found its way to slither into my frat life but after going through somewhat of a transformation over the past couple of weeks I feel like it is time to now admit all of this. No matter what I have done or what I have said, you are all in my heart. And if you don't say amazing things at my funeral, I will haunt you forever.

That’s really all I need to say about this. I love these fuckers. All of them. With all of my heart. And I can honestly say that without them being in college would kill me.

Aiight, question of the day: Who is your second family? What would you do without them? How do they affect your life?

Now back to feigning attention in the WORST class ever.

Peace out shitfaces.

Thrifty Spice

So there are several pretty damn magical aspects about Santa Cruz that you don’t really realize until you’re trapped here twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. One of the few pleasures of this town is the fact that it is practically swimming with thrift stores (most likely to serve the ever expanding quantity of homeless people wandering the streets downtown).  One of the finest gems in this category is found nestled on Front Street between two kind of scary parking lots. Because of the fact that it is known by several different names I’ll list them all here so everyone will know what I am talking about: Thrift Center, Santa Cruz Thrift, Community Thrift Store, and the 50% off store.

Today was the day when my ladies and I ventured off campus to go on a date night down to the Thrift Center. I have to say, I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORE. Vern got some cute shit and Vic got a little sexy black beaded onesie that she’s cutting the thong off of. I know, sounds bizarre but believe me it’s going to be sexy as fucknuts. And, even though I’m on what can only be describe as a vagabond budget, managed out the door with a T-Shirt that says “Property of Captain Morgan”. Now come on, is anything truer? I think not. I’ve taken it and cut it up into a tank for the beach tomorrow. Super excited!

So now we come to the real issue in this post, is anything better than a good thrift store? I mean, come on. When you’re in college and you need new clothes because you feel weird wearing the same thing to the same class multiple times where else will you shop? You can’t exactly go to Urban Outfitters or American Apparel every time you need a new fucking shirt or shorts. So you are left going to a store where you buy things that were probably made before you were and people gave them up to get fifty cents taken off their taxes at the end of the year. And you know what? I love it.

So we come to the question of the day: What is your favorite place to buy cheap shit? What do you usually get there? Leave a comment (any maybe a picture of your favorite thing?).

Ok, back to watching The Phantom of the Opera with my ladies.

Peace out shitfaces.

A Tank of Gay Sharks

Dating can be a tricky subject for anyone. Now take that anyone and have them swim the waters of college looking for that special someone. Now on top of all that give them a possible 5% of the population who might be physically attracted to them based off of gender.  Just when you thought that navigating the waters of dating could not get any more challenging, think again. If you were convinced straight kids had it rough, think again.

Let’s break this shit down. The biggest complaint when it comes to dating is that finding someone to date is difficult. However, let’s take a little looksee at this one. Take a gay male bodied individual for example, we’ll call him Bettencourt. Bettencourt is a gay man who’s demographic for dating consists of other gay men. Now let’s be extremely generalizing and say that the population of the Earth is split evenly fifty/fifty between men and women. So Bettencourt, in theory, could only be attracted to fifty percent of the population. Now, out of one hundred it is theorized that ten percent would be gay. This means that five percent of the world’s population are gay male bodied individuals. Therefore, in theory, in a room filled with one hundred people a straight man would theoretically have forty-five people to date whereas Bettencourt would only have four (seeing as he would be one of the five in the room).

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not just bitching for bitchings sake. Over the past couple of months I think I have been in talks with at least ten different guys to prospectively date. I know what you might be thinking, “Well B doesn’t this go against your theory seeing how you seem to be having no problem finding gays?” Well there you would be wrong. It is true that I have been able to find gays around me, thanks to some (let’s call it) futuristic networking, but as you can tell by my thinly veiled bitterness, they were all flops. If I had a larger base of people to approach I would be able to be more selective and only try to get involved with people who I already know I would be compatible with as opposed to throwing myself around hoping something sticks.

And that brings us to the glorious question of the day: What was your worst date ever? Did you ever see the person again? Do you think they would have been good for you if the date had gone better?

And with that I return to my regularly scheduled day.

Peace out shitfaces.

The Diaries of an Insomniac

Ahh insomnia. The condition that turns upstanding citizens into full fledged zombies. I sit here in my living room contemplating why it is that I am awake at 4 a.m. and I realize that there is extremely little I can do to change my ways of living. I just spent the last hour or so lying in bed listening to my roommate snore and attempting to fall asleep with obviously no luck. I just continued to lie there, tossing and turning under my huge blanket my amazing mom made for me that I now use as my college comforter. I want so fucking desperately to sleep.

There are obviously different schools of thought when it comes to why people suffer from insomnia. The one that I get most of the time is that there is simply too much going on in my head to allow my body to relax and fall into a state of sleep. Now this may actually be true. My love life changes daily, I haven't seen my family in forever and the fact that I don't have a car anymore means that I am fucking trapped on this hill like a slave stuck in a wooden dungeon. My world, which was once expansive has been shrunk to the size of a football field, unable to go anywhere outside of roughly a mile radius from my apartment.

So then, what does this bitch need to do to remedy my ailment? The obvious answer would be to reclaim my independence and mobility by regaining access to my car. Unfortunately that is simply impossible. One does not simple go against someone to whom they are indebted $1,000 because of a handful of unpaid and extremely expired parking tickets. I would need to fully repay my mom as quickly as possible in order to return my car to my possession. However, let's be real, where the hell am I going to come up with a THOUSAND dollars when I have a total of $12 to last me until May 5th? It simply is not going to happen.

So this brings us to the question of the day: What ailment do you suffer from that you wish you could find an easy fix to? What is stopping you from fixing it? Is there someone in your life who could help you but you fear reaching out and asking for that help? Comment below with your answer and I may feature you in an upcoming entry.

I love you all for taking your time to read this. Even the ten or so page views I am getting a day so far really brighten up my life. Please subscribe to my blog to get daily entries.

Peace out shitfaces.

Ten Things Straight Girls Say to Gay Guys

So last time I mentioned that I was sorry for having such heavy subjects lately so I decided to lighten this shit up. It is with that that I present my newest list “10 Things Straight Girls Say to Gay Guys”. Enjoy.

1.“If you weren’t gay, we would totally date.” – No. Just no.

2.“You must totally love Lady Gaga.” – This pisses me off like you would not believe. I do enjoy Lady Gaga’s music, yes. However, this fucked up assumption that I do simply because I am gay is almost just mean. It is to suggest that we gay men do not have our own minds and have to do what is trendy and hip. There are those of us who actually have our own thoughts. Surprise.

3.“Why won’t you cuddle with me?” – It’s not that I want to cuddle with you because you are a girl. I don’t want to cuddle with you because we aren’t fucking. Straight girls have this concept in their heads of gay men being asexual. They see us as giant queer teddy bears they can collect and play with. The minute they accept the fact that we have anal sex they shut up real quick. Fellas, if your hag keeps saying this just go into detail about the last time you got buttfucked and I can guarantee you they will shut up really quickly.

4.“Let’s do shots!” – Do I drink? You bet your ass I do. Do I drink shot because I am gay? Hell fucking no. I drink shots because I am 19 and in college. I have found though that apparently there is some myth out there that gay men drink more shots than straight men because everywhere I go to party girls are asking to take shots with me. I’m flattered you want to get shitfaced with me but can I just have a cold beer? Thanks…

5.“If you haven’t been with a girl, how do you know you won’t like it?” – I could say the same to you bitch. Half of the time I turn this around on the girl who brings it up to me they say something along the lines of “Ew oh god no” and I want to wring their neck. What makes you think that I would like fucking a girl if I tried it and you wouldn’t? It’s just insulting. Stop being ignorant.

6.“When did you know you were ‘different’?” – When did saying this become ok? Everyone is fucking different. No two people are the same. Me being gay doesn’t make me some new special breed of different that you get to single out as being especially different. Honestly, I believe that girls are often just too fucking scared to say the word gay. Get over yourselves.

7.“I have this other gay friend. You two should totally meet. You’d be so cute together.” – In what way does this make any sense? I don’t go around giving every straight guy I meet your number. It makes no logical sense at all to do this. Just because I am a guy who likes guys and so is he does not mean that we will fall in love, settle down, and have 2.5 gaybies. It takes more than that to have a relationship. Do you want to fuck every single person who identifies in the gender you prefer? Didn’t think so.

8.“Hey girl!” – Biggest pet peeve ever. If I wished to be called “girl” I would identify as a woman. However, I am a male bodied individual who identifies as a man. In what way does any of that sound like I want to be called “girl”? Do yourselves a favor and please call me by my name before I take your “Hey girl” and shove it up your ass. Bitches.

9.“How do drag queens tuck?” – Go fucking look it up. Do you honestly think that I go around in my free-time asking my friends who do drag how they make it look like they have a vagina when they actually have a dick? Here is a surprise: I have no fucking clue. If you actually cared and wanted to know and didn’t just ask for the sake of asking, go find someone who does drag and ask them. Or if, like most straight girls, you are actually terrified of drag queens, just go back to not knowing and not caring.

10.“Let’s go shopping!” – So let’s just get right into this. I understand fully that there are gay men out there who do love shopping but let’s get one thing straight: Not all of us do and please stop assuming that just because I like dudes it means that I want to go spend seven hours with you at H&M. Nothing could be further from the truth.

So now is when I pose my question of the day: What is your least favorite stereotype? What kinds of assumptions do people make about you?

Aiight, back to paying attention in class.

Peace out shitfaces.

Babel

So I'm sitting here in the computer lab printing out the latest entry in a seemingly never ending stream of French homework assignments when it strikes me the oddity of the culture surrounding language. I mean, why the fuck do we even have different languages anymore? Beyond the idea of nationality and pride, I don't think that it is necessary to have the world cast in the shadow of misinterpretation due to language differences.

Now don't interpret this as me saying that everyone should cave to western influence and just learn English to "make it easier" for the rest of us. That is not it at all. All I am saying through this is that there should be one fucking language everyone knows in addition to their base dialect to allow the world to communicate with each other better. Think of the wars that were created in the past century and how much conflict could have been avoided if the leaders of the world were able to sit down and communicate on a common level.

It is with that that I would like to introduce a new language into the system. I am still debating on the name of this language but it would serve merely as a mediator in international relations. I know all of this sounds fancy and semi-post apocalyptic but just think of the benefits. Imagine a world where once conflict breaks the leaders could all communicate in a language that every party understands. That old saying of "lost in translation" would be as out of date as Joan Rivers's original face.

Here is what I propose: A committee meets with a copy of the dictionary and painstakingly crafts a new world language. One where the formal language is the only kind and incorporates traditions from all languages of the world. Maybe the new alphabet can incorporate some of the latin letters we use with the characters of the asian dialects. Maybe some of those crazy german words that put a whole thought into a 29 character words serve as the basis for new words. The world is our oyster and we can change it.

So here is my question: if you could create a new universal language, would you? What is the importance of having these different languages? Would the world benefit from us building our own tower of Babel?

Sorry for a more serious post today. Just been on my mind lately. I promise tomorrow's will be more upbeat and fun with loads more swearing. Titties.

Peace out shitfaces.

The Day of Total Nothingness

There are just those days where there is literally nothing you can do but sit on your couch and die. I definitely just had one of those days. And you know what. I am not ashamed. After staying awake until roughly 8 am with my housemate watching movies and drinking wine I needed a day to do nothing but think about the fact that all I want to do is nothing.

So what does one do with a day where one is doing nothing. Lemme tell you. I sat on my fat ass, ate three hot pockets, and watched movie after movie all ending with a "Friends" marathon on Nick@Nite. Best fucking day ever.

I would definitely write more but, to be perfectly honest, I am seriously so exhausted today. Question of the day: What is your perfect day? If you could literally do anything for one day what would it be? Get creative fuckers. I am interested to see what your twisted minds come up with.

Peace out shitfaces.

Boxed Wine and Baby Mama

Ahhh what a solid day. Woke up at 1:15 and was leaving campus by 1:30 for da beach. Anyone else jealous? There are definitely days where I stop myself and think, "Wow. I fucking live here? Seriously? Life is cray." But let's be real. Who the fuck would not want to live in Santa Cruz? The anti-christ. That's who. Fucking anti-christ...

And just as I thought the day could not get any better. Guess what shitfaces. It did! Had a social with a sorority who will remain un-named where I got FUCKED THE SHIT UP. I know shocking. A frat party where people got fucked up. However comma I don't really care what you think. I played beer pong and even though I lost to a freshman I don't care. That bitch is like my son. I'm proud.

Came home to my apartment where my housemates greeted me like a king. They had gone out and gotten a box of wine and were having a movie marathon. We watched Donnie Darko (for the first time since I was little) and I was so drunk I almost shat my pants. My pants were literally almost full of shat. How awkward.

And now it be time for Baby Mama. I would type more but, well, I'm not exactly sober and some kiddos are still here. So I'm gonna go and be sociable.

Leave a comment with what your favorite flavor of franzia is. Whatever gets the most votes, I will buy an entire box of and drink it in less than two hours. I promise to write very soon after the last glass.

Peace out shitfaces.

The Laws of Attraction

As I am sitting here in my bed wearing nothing but some Hanes bower briefs and an old Bartok tank from my  drum corps days, I can't help but having a hundred things running through my head.  I keep landing back on the same thing however: how the hell anyone can decide what their "type" is.

Now let me get one thing straight. I am gay. And I have been sexually active for a pretty long time now and over the years I guess I have developed something that may resemble a "type". That "type" is apparently awkward, skinny, white boys with self-esteem problems and issues with authority. Today however I stopped myself and I asked, "B? Why the fuck won't you broaden your horizons?"

The fact of the matter is that I have fooled around with more kinds of guys than what would be considered my "type". Black guys, Asian guys, Latin guys. You name it, I've tried it.  It was this revelation as I hear the birds chirping out of my window at 4:41 a.m. that got me thinking. Can there ever be an actual set "type" or is it simply a construct that the porn industry set up in order to get us to fall into our niche?

I do realize that this is a fucking awkward realization to come to. Especially on a day like 420. Can you even imagine? How terrible. So let's get to the point of all of this. I have found myself more and more being drawn to men of Latin decent. It may be something about their smooth skin or the fact that they are dark and therefore exotic and something my older relatives may not be ok with (they aren't bad people, just a tad racist. They were born in the 20s though so we mainly ignore them and tell them to keep quiet) but I am not sure why time after time I find myself in the arms of a Latin man.

So I pose this question: what is your "type"? Do you ever break out of the mold of that type? What would your dream partner consist of? Tell me your thoughts. I'm interested.

Alright, time to go back to pretending to sleep. God it's way fucking hot here right now.

Peace out shitfaces.