DOMA is Doomed

Spending my day off obsessively watching episode after episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” on Netflix of course has me thinking about the idea of marriage. Why do it? What’s the benefit? Is it worth the money? And, of course, the last one brings us to a much more serious point: Why, as a gay man, am I not allowed? With the decision coming down the pipe from the US Supreme Court on not only the constitutionality of DOMA but also on California’s Prop 8 the whole nation is bracing, for good or ill, for a momentous change. As this is happening though conservative are, of course, letting their voices be heard by announcing a pledge that they will defy any decision toward marriage equality with signers ranging from religious figures to political leaders. Before we cast stones at these zealots, let’s take a look at the facts.

On the table we have two different decisions: DOMA and Prop 8. The Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, decision will determine whether or not barring same-sex couples from receiving federal benefits as a married couple is constitutionally allowed. While this benefit would do nothing for couples who are not living in states that recognize same-sex marriage, those living in the handful of states that do will finally receive benefits from the feds if it is overturned. Prop 8 on the other hand is a little trickier here. We got options. Prop 8 could be overturned on the ground of federal constitutionality and thus overturn all gay marriage bans in the United States leading to full legalization. More likely the Supreme Court will say that it is unconstitutional IN CALIFORNIA ONLY and allow gay marriage there. The case could even be thrown out altogether leading to, again, gay marriage in California. So what is this pledge thingy?

Banning together under the veil of religious expression, hundreds of religious Americans have signed onto a pledge that they would ignore any decision passed down from the Supreme Court that would spell marriage equality. Using key buzz words and phrases such as “freedom”, “society”, and “faith”, the two page letter creates a nation that is apparently being overrun by the power of the judicial branch which, in their mind, should not have any power at all. As they put it, “Unlike the Legislative Branch that has the power of the purse and the Executive Branch which has the figurative power of the sword, the Judicial Branch has neither”. So for them this decision is one that in going against their religious freedoms from a branch of government that they see as being powerless. But, if one actually reads the document, what is very obviously lacking is any sort of plan of what to do. It reads more like a tantrum from a snotty toddler than a document with weight and purpose.

So what can these individuals even do? Considering the list of individuals signed on board with this pledge I am going to say not very much. Out of the hundred some odd people who have given their names for this, there is only one person who currently holds a seat in a United States government position and that is Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma’s 84^th House District who is, unsurprisingly, a Republican and who could be shocked to read this when this is the same woman with such famous statements as “We have a high percentage of blacks in prison, and that’s tragic, but are they in prison just because they are black or because they don’t want to study as hard in school?” and that women earn less than men because they don't work as hard and have less initiative. So it’s not like her inclusion onto this pledge comes as any kind of surprise. From there we ramble onto a list of various figured ranging from Peter La Barbera, the Preside of “Americans for Truth About Homosexuality” to Dr. Warren Guy, a pediatric dentist. Seems to me like this list is missing the key political weight it needs to even matter.

Look, the fact of the matter is that this is going to happen. Gay marriage, one way or another, is going to be legalized. The cards are falling into place now and finally we are closer than ever and these religious yahoos and simply using it as an excuse to try to stay relevant but it is obviously not going to work. The biggest knock here is the fact that they couldn’t even get big name Republicans to sign on. Where are the Rush Limbaughs and Sarah Palins of the world? Not here because even they are realizing that in order to keep their jobs they have to stay on the right side of history and calm it down a little. This letter is nothing more than a piece of paper trying to stop a rolling boulder. Sorry Dr. Guy. Go back to the spit bowl. I’m gonna get all kinds of gay married.

I’m out!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bettencourtslife
Twitter: @BettencourtP

Works Referenced:

-"Sally Kern." Wikipedia. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 June 2013.

-Rayfield, Jillian. "Oklahoma GOPer: It’s A Fact That ‘Blacks’ Don’t Work As Hard." TPM. N.p., 28 Apr. 2011. Web. 22 June 2013.

-McNutt, Michael. "Kern Apologizes for Comments on Minorities and Women; NAACP Says It's Not Enough." NewsOK. N.p., 29 Apr. 2011. Web. 22 June 2013.

-Gates, Sara. "Conservatives Pledge To Defy Any Marriage Equality Ruling The Supreme Court Reaches." Huffington Post. N.p., 22 June 2013. Web. 22 June 2013.

-Bloomfield, Aubrey. "Supreme Court DOMA: The Anachronistic Law Must Be Struck Down." Policy Mic. N.p., 22 June 2013. Web. 22 June 2013.

-Phillip, Abby D. "Supreme Court DOMA Ruling Looms Over Immigration Overhaul." ABC News. N.p., 17 June 2013. Web. 22 June 2013.

-Freedom Federation. "We Stand in Solidarity to Defend Marriageand the Family and Society Founded Upon Them." Scribd. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 June 2013

The Future.

Every two years we find ourselves subjected to the most influential popularity contest in the history of our nation: elections. Every four years we get slammed with an even more important presidential election that can literally alter the course of our nation’s history. In 2008 this nation found hope and, well, “change” with a new politician who was taking our country by storm. Four years later America is climbing slowly but surely out of the worst recession in memory with Barack Obama leading the way.

Thanks to the lacking of the previous administration, the Obama administration was steamrolled with an economy that collapsed during the months between the election and the previous administration leaving office causing Obama to inherit this monumental problem. While I am sure we can all agree that this recovery is taking time what cannot be ignored is that the task of flipping a national economy does not happen in one day, one week, or even four years. We are taking about widespread reforms in order to ensure that this not only can begin to heal but also that this does not happen again. It cannot be ignored that this is not a simple task. However, in light of this election, it is also important to remember that this country is NOT a business. Mitt Romney’s plan to fix this country is to “run it like a business” without providing a complete concrete plan as to how this will be done. Take a second though to think about how businesses work. A group of individuals on top do whatever they can to squeeze as much profit out of the workers without much regard to the workforce as a whole. Yes, this is precisely how I want this country to be run. Like a sweatshop. Great work…..

The economy aside it is time to delve into what is the most important part of this election to me: the social issues. I in no way want to downplay the importance of the economy in this election but as a gay man it stands to reason that the issues that hit closest to home for me would be the social ones. Plain and simple: Obama is for gay marriage and Romney is not. Black and white. There is no way around it. Obama has come out to say that he is for gay marriage in America and Romney has come out to say that he is for a nationwide ban that would remove the same-sex marriages already performed. My beliefs on the economy thus have to be pushed aside regardless of what I think. The right to marry goes much further than rights. It goes into my community’s standing as legitimate.

As I young gay man I felt helpless as many others in my position do. I felt like society did not accept me and had no place for me. To eliminate the right to marry is to tell every young gay man that what he feels inside is correct. There is no place for you. There is no acceptance for you. You might as well not be you. To tell a young gay person that they cannot love who they want and be accepted by the law is to tell them that it is simply not worth it to love who they want. It is to tell them that the government and the country cannot and will not accept your relationship as legitimate. It is to break the conscience of every young person to let them know once and for all that they are not worth their existence. At the risk of placing so much weight on this issues: The difference between legalizing gay marriage and banning gay marriage is the difference between life and death.

With that I can say with full confidence that I will not be voting for Mitt Romney and I urge every single person who reads this to do the same. If you know me, if you are my friend, if you appreciate my existence and enjoy who I am you cannot allow this man to win. If you know any queer individual and enjoy them you cannot let this man win. If you do not want to see any more faces of young men and women splash on the news with the headline “Gay Teen Suicide” you cannot let this man win.

In less than 36 hours my life could be changing irrevocably.

In less than 36 hours my future could be altered permanently.

In less than 36 hours this nation will be defined.

It’s now your choice.

And don’t fuck it up.

Goodbye loves.

All Hallows Eve

Halloween. The one day a year a girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything about. Except when it is FREEZING.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this holiday. The candy, the costumes, the ghost stories, all of it. What I don’t love is when you get all ready to have a great night and Mother Nature goes, “Nuh uh. Think again.”

So I am sitting here in the library blogging away while the weather outside is in this annoying state of not quite raining but not NOT raining and wondering how I am going to salvage this night. I’m not really the party type. Something about corralled inside a house trying to have a good time while also trying to keep it down in fear that the neighbors call the cops just doesn’t appeal to me. So what then?

That when it dawns on me. What are the best Halloweens? Are they the ones where you rage until it hurts? No. The best Halloweens I have ever had are the ones where I go buy a large sack of candy, a box of popcorn, and rent a few movies and sit back, relax, and get fat. Also, this can be done even when the Gods are angry (a la Percy Jackson).

So thus I have it settled in my brain. Tonight will not consist of some costume while trying to prevent some DB from spilling something down my front. Instead I will be kicking it at home with friends eating my feelings and scaring myself until I vomit.

Maybe I will party next year. Maybe.

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Goodbye loves.

A New Lease on Life

How do I begin to explain what I have been up to for the last couple months? Let's start with the most important part.

I have been seeing someone who has changed my life. Garrett has been my rock. His absolute craziness has made my life exciting again (and not in a bad way like before). His intelligence has kept me on my toes and his humor has kept me laughing. I finally feel like I can breath again and relax in knowing that at the end of the day there is someone at home who will love and support me. Cheesy cheesy cheesy. Deal with it.

School has started up again and let's just say: My life SUCKS. Too much. Much too much. Much much too much. Why do I do this t myself? I always feel liee I can take on the entire world and then realize, "Wait, no, stop the world! I want to get off!" (Get it?). I need to assign points to different things I do in my life and a limit of how many points I can do at once. Once I reach that limit I have to quit something. Suggestions?

Work has been insane (per usual). Working at Urban Outfitters has given me two things: Money and a discount with which to spend it. I may have fabulous new clothes but I am BROKE. To supplement this spending habit I have a job at Homestead High School teaching colorguard finally doing what I really want to do and making the money I want to make.

I know I am not that interesting today but feel free to comment and leave your opinion. I will have more for you tomorrow, promise.

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Goodbye loves.

I Am Fucking Pissed Off, Part One

Warning: While I fully encourage you to keep reading please do so with caution. Some of you may be outright angry when you reach the end of it. It won’t be pretty and it won’t be nice. Sorry but here we go.

The world is an ever changing place. I think we can all agree on that. It was not until 1967 that a man and a woman of different ethnic backgrounds could marry.  It was not until 1985 until it became legal for a man and a woman to get divorced for any reason other than abandonment, cruelty, incurable mental illness, or adultery. These are two things which, now, seem to be obvious. To not allow these things seems cruel and, at least in the case of the former, blatantly racist. However, consider the fact that around that time being blatantly racist was not considered a bad thing.

So where am I going with this? Think about the people in your life who you may consider to be blatantly homophobic. Are there any who would not consider themselves to be homophobic but simply stated they are? I see no difference between that than the individuals during the 1960’s who were fighting for segregation. Now you know where I am going with this. To fight against the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples is homophobic. It is hate. No matter which way you attempt to cover your ass by trying to rationalize it, to not allow civil rights to a group of people based solely off of attributes which they have no control over such as sexual orientation is hate. Pure unadulterated hate.

Now I have been presented with this idea of having civil unions which would entitle same-sex couples to all rights and privileges afforded by a marriage. This is complete and utter bullshit. For those who know me (and most of you do) then you know what one day I want to have kids. I do not want to bring children into this world though if I cannot be married to my partner. I do not want to live in fear of the day when my son or daughter comes home from school one day and asks, “Daddy, why aren’t you and Daddy married?” I do not want to have to look this sweet child in the eyes and explain to them that there are people in this world who feel that my love is not right and therefore should not be allowed to enjoy the privilege of marriage.

So now I ask you to look at yourself. Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine you are a gay man. Or the child of gay parents. Or even the parent of a gay child. What would be fair rights to you? What would be equal? A reworked civil union? Or nothing short of full marriage equality?

Please think about this. Chances are there will be a Part Two later today.

Peace out shitfaces.

I Want to Get Gay Married

So it has been a long time since I have written anything that is critical of political policy so I figure, why not now? In the wake of today’s announcement from President Obama when he FINALLY publicly stated his support for gay marriage I have been barraged with internet shit regarding the situation. Obama decided, in response to Vice President Joe Biden’s comments regarding the subject earlier this week, to go on record that he too agreed that love is love and everyone should have equal rights. I am not the first to admit this is was a long time coming and it certainly came as no huge surprise.

Now here is where my blood begins to boil just a small amount. The actual catalyst (at least in my head) is the passing of North Carolina’s Amendment One which prohibits same-sex couples from receiving a plethora of civil rights. This law, though extremely short in length, effectively removes any and all rights that a same-sex couple could ever have that opposite-sex couples currently enjoy. This is because the law doesn’t just say that gays can’t marry but it says that a marriage between and man and a woman will be the ONLY recognized UNION in the state.

So how does this connect to Obama? Needless to say any rational and moral human being should read this and be totally outraged. Obama himself, after yesterday’s vote, came out to say that he was disappointed in what North Carolina had done (as were the rest of us). His then saying he supported same sex marriage was the final step in him finally admitting that something needs to be done.

I am now going to just put this out there: I want to get married. I want to find a good man who treats me right, get married, buy a house, and eventually start a family to raise into upstanding citizens. Then, when they are older and off to college I want to travel the world with my husband and eventually retire in comfort somewhere in California. When I think that there are people out there who, for whatever reason, want to limit the love that two people can show each other it seems cruel.

Sorry folks, no question of the day today. I would rather everyone sit with what I just said and see how it personally affects you. Please do comment though and show your support. Simply tell me and everyone else reading this how this makes you feel.

Now back to having no hope in the world.

Peace out shitfaces.

An Introspection on Why I Give a Fuck

Ok ok, I know. It has been a really long time since I have gone on here and posted a new entry. However, if you knew what was going on in my life you would be surprised that I am posting anything even now. It has been a very long time since I needed to deal with so many different things at once and I am way out of practice. I used to be able to take a scenario, process it, and find the best possible way to deal with it with relative ease. Now once I find myself dealing with even two issues my brain goes on overload and I start to go a little crazy.

So you may be wondering where I am going with this and you would be right to wonder that. So with all of these things on my mind I am forced to think simply, “What is it about me that puts me in these situations where I need to think this much?” Do I draw drama into me? Do I go out and seek to create it in order to entertain myself? Or do people simply find me so amusing and entertaining that they are drawn to be and with this surplus of people around me I have no choice but to be drawn into all of this?

Of those, I obviously like the last option the most. I mean, who wouldn’t? So going off of this concept that people are drawn to me and therefore they drag the drama with them then why does this not happen to everyone? Everyone has friends but for some reason I am the only one who finds himself in these situations. Upon further review I realize it has to do entirely with the fact that I simply give too much of a shit. If I could surround myself with people and not care about them so much then I wouldn’t have these problems.

So where go from here? I wish I could say that from now on I will live my life with an IDGAF attitude but I simply can’t. I apologize if it seemed like this was useless because I didn’t really change at the end of it but it was really to address those who know me who think I am just super dramatic and do it for fun. I don’t do it for fun. Being wrapped up in this drama isn’t fun. I just care about people. Sorry.

Question of the day: Do you like drama? Do you find yourself involved in a lot of drama?

Back to my least favorite class.

Peace out shitfaces.

How Real is Reality?

So let’s all just be real with each other for a hot second and agree that the world is a very strange place. I often find myself sitting in my living room watching my Bravo shows and I think to myself, “Come on, I could totally get a show on this channel.” Bravo already does an amazing job taking problem that I am sure are really actually quite small in real life and blowing them entirely out of proportion into being giant life altering issues that could end the world. I mean, how hard could it be? You are just sitting around with your friends talking to each other and it for some reason makes great television.

The biggest issue with having my own show as I see it would be that the average person does not have enough drama in their life to fill a television show. However, for those of you reading this that are really close to me, you all know that I could totally do that. Just rewind over the past year alone and think about all of the things that could really be taken by a crew and made into practically Season Finale episodes. Spring quarter and summer last year was nothing short of a shit show. I would totally watch that on TV. And probably feel sorry for the poor chap.

So I took this concept (me having a Bravo show) and started looking around at how I live my life. Short of me sitting and doing homework or writing I spend most of my time with someone talking about drama or making terrible jokes. If you look at the shows, that’s really all they are. All that these people do is sit around, drink, and talk shit. I could TOTALLY be paid to do that. I would fucking love to be paid millions of dollars to have people trail me with cameras and be shocked at the stupid shit I find myself having to do. Life sucks brah.

So here’s my question: Would you be down to have some strangers with cameras following you around and documenting your life? If so, what would the theme of your show be? (Mine would be Real Housewives style.)

Now back to watching Million Dollar Listing. That shit cray.

Peace out shitfaces.

You Don't Choose Your Family

So I will be the first one to admit that I have dropped the ball on writing lately. I set out out on the blog writing endeavor saying that I would post something about my life every single day for three years. Let's be real though, I have a life. Sorry kiddos. However, considering how completely jam packed my weekend was I am willing to forgive me if you guys are.

So I could easily sit here and do a play by play of what happened but you and me both know that that simply is not my style. What I am going to talk about is this idea of family. For the majority of my childhood and adolescence, I was engrained with the notion that a family consisted exclusively of individuals who are related to you by either blood or marriage and if not then they simply are not your family.

However, for all of you who either have gone through college (like myself) or are still in high school but have found a good group to be close to this idea is simply not fucking true. I have found a second family. These kids are my family. These forty or so members of my frat have become members of my family. For those of you reading this who are in my frat or know of us then you’ll know that when it comes to family dynamic ours may be the most fucked but, to be perfectly honest, you can suck it.

I make fun of them a lot but I really want them to know that I could not live without them. It has been a while since I was able to say this out loud because of some drama going on in my personal life that has found its way to slither into my frat life but after going through somewhat of a transformation over the past couple of weeks I feel like it is time to now admit all of this. No matter what I have done or what I have said, you are all in my heart. And if you don't say amazing things at my funeral, I will haunt you forever.

That’s really all I need to say about this. I love these fuckers. All of them. With all of my heart. And I can honestly say that without them being in college would kill me.

Aiight, question of the day: Who is your second family? What would you do without them? How do they affect your life?

Now back to feigning attention in the WORST class ever.

Peace out shitfaces.

A Tank of Gay Sharks

Dating can be a tricky subject for anyone. Now take that anyone and have them swim the waters of college looking for that special someone. Now on top of all that give them a possible 5% of the population who might be physically attracted to them based off of gender.  Just when you thought that navigating the waters of dating could not get any more challenging, think again. If you were convinced straight kids had it rough, think again.

Let’s break this shit down. The biggest complaint when it comes to dating is that finding someone to date is difficult. However, let’s take a little looksee at this one. Take a gay male bodied individual for example, we’ll call him Bettencourt. Bettencourt is a gay man who’s demographic for dating consists of other gay men. Now let’s be extremely generalizing and say that the population of the Earth is split evenly fifty/fifty between men and women. So Bettencourt, in theory, could only be attracted to fifty percent of the population. Now, out of one hundred it is theorized that ten percent would be gay. This means that five percent of the world’s population are gay male bodied individuals. Therefore, in theory, in a room filled with one hundred people a straight man would theoretically have forty-five people to date whereas Bettencourt would only have four (seeing as he would be one of the five in the room).

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not just bitching for bitchings sake. Over the past couple of months I think I have been in talks with at least ten different guys to prospectively date. I know what you might be thinking, “Well B doesn’t this go against your theory seeing how you seem to be having no problem finding gays?” Well there you would be wrong. It is true that I have been able to find gays around me, thanks to some (let’s call it) futuristic networking, but as you can tell by my thinly veiled bitterness, they were all flops. If I had a larger base of people to approach I would be able to be more selective and only try to get involved with people who I already know I would be compatible with as opposed to throwing myself around hoping something sticks.

And that brings us to the glorious question of the day: What was your worst date ever? Did you ever see the person again? Do you think they would have been good for you if the date had gone better?

And with that I return to my regularly scheduled day.

Peace out shitfaces.

Ten Things Straight Girls Say to Gay Guys

So last time I mentioned that I was sorry for having such heavy subjects lately so I decided to lighten this shit up. It is with that that I present my newest list “10 Things Straight Girls Say to Gay Guys”. Enjoy.

1.“If you weren’t gay, we would totally date.” – No. Just no.

2.“You must totally love Lady Gaga.” – This pisses me off like you would not believe. I do enjoy Lady Gaga’s music, yes. However, this fucked up assumption that I do simply because I am gay is almost just mean. It is to suggest that we gay men do not have our own minds and have to do what is trendy and hip. There are those of us who actually have our own thoughts. Surprise.

3.“Why won’t you cuddle with me?” – It’s not that I want to cuddle with you because you are a girl. I don’t want to cuddle with you because we aren’t fucking. Straight girls have this concept in their heads of gay men being asexual. They see us as giant queer teddy bears they can collect and play with. The minute they accept the fact that we have anal sex they shut up real quick. Fellas, if your hag keeps saying this just go into detail about the last time you got buttfucked and I can guarantee you they will shut up really quickly.

4.“Let’s do shots!” – Do I drink? You bet your ass I do. Do I drink shot because I am gay? Hell fucking no. I drink shots because I am 19 and in college. I have found though that apparently there is some myth out there that gay men drink more shots than straight men because everywhere I go to party girls are asking to take shots with me. I’m flattered you want to get shitfaced with me but can I just have a cold beer? Thanks…

5.“If you haven’t been with a girl, how do you know you won’t like it?” – I could say the same to you bitch. Half of the time I turn this around on the girl who brings it up to me they say something along the lines of “Ew oh god no” and I want to wring their neck. What makes you think that I would like fucking a girl if I tried it and you wouldn’t? It’s just insulting. Stop being ignorant.

6.“When did you know you were ‘different’?” – When did saying this become ok? Everyone is fucking different. No two people are the same. Me being gay doesn’t make me some new special breed of different that you get to single out as being especially different. Honestly, I believe that girls are often just too fucking scared to say the word gay. Get over yourselves.

7.“I have this other gay friend. You two should totally meet. You’d be so cute together.” – In what way does this make any sense? I don’t go around giving every straight guy I meet your number. It makes no logical sense at all to do this. Just because I am a guy who likes guys and so is he does not mean that we will fall in love, settle down, and have 2.5 gaybies. It takes more than that to have a relationship. Do you want to fuck every single person who identifies in the gender you prefer? Didn’t think so.

8.“Hey girl!” – Biggest pet peeve ever. If I wished to be called “girl” I would identify as a woman. However, I am a male bodied individual who identifies as a man. In what way does any of that sound like I want to be called “girl”? Do yourselves a favor and please call me by my name before I take your “Hey girl” and shove it up your ass. Bitches.

9.“How do drag queens tuck?” – Go fucking look it up. Do you honestly think that I go around in my free-time asking my friends who do drag how they make it look like they have a vagina when they actually have a dick? Here is a surprise: I have no fucking clue. If you actually cared and wanted to know and didn’t just ask for the sake of asking, go find someone who does drag and ask them. Or if, like most straight girls, you are actually terrified of drag queens, just go back to not knowing and not caring.

10.“Let’s go shopping!” – So let’s just get right into this. I understand fully that there are gay men out there who do love shopping but let’s get one thing straight: Not all of us do and please stop assuming that just because I like dudes it means that I want to go spend seven hours with you at H&M. Nothing could be further from the truth.

So now is when I pose my question of the day: What is your least favorite stereotype? What kinds of assumptions do people make about you?

Aiight, back to paying attention in class.

Peace out shitfaces.